Erik Lopez .net » Complaints

Sofa Wars IV: A New Couch

Erik — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 22:15:51 +0000

So about 2 months ago, I came down stairs with Trevin on a Saturday morning to bask in the glow of Disney channel characters at his normal wake-up time of 6:00 AM. My extreme tiredness coupled with the size of my frame resulted in me throwing myself onto the couch as soon as the TV was playing Handy Manny. I instantly heard a snap in the couch and began thinking about how I could blame it on Trevin. When Erica woke up I ended up taking the blame (you owe me one, Trevin) and we pretty much left it until a couple nights ago, when we flipped the couch and took a look.

Let me digress for a moment by saying that Handy Manny makes everything look easy. I mean, for him everything is easy and I hate him for it. Seriously, an elevator breaks down, apparently due to one solitary faulty fuse, as if elevators are no more complicated machines than a wheelbarrow. Manny gets stuck in the elevator so how does he get the fuse? His freakin’ tools run to Kelly’s hardware store for him. Does Kelly have an obscure fuse to an elevator? Apparently, yes. Why wouldn’t she? A simple storefront in a small-town has anything this guy could want, but I doubt Home Depot carries elevator parts.

Anyway, so we flip the couch and there are two cross beams that just came loose. No problem. I can wedge them back in there, screw them back to the frame and I don’t even need a talking hammer to get it done (though it would be nice). We tried to wedge them back, but they wouldn’t budge, since much of the wood is bowed. So I decide to get some more stuff together and try the next day. So last night, I get the couch flipped again and I push and tug and get that wood back to where it goes. And then the beam splits.

At this point, I’m not so happy, so I rip both beams out of the couch. Luckily, Erica had saved a 70″ 2×4 that I used to create new beams. I even needed both of them to be 34.5″ so it was a close to perfect as possible. My wife is so smart! Anyway, to make an already long story a bit shorter, the couch is now sturdy and supportive, albeit a little less comfortable than when it was newly purchased. I should have taken some pictures so I could share my experience, but I was too busy cursing Ashley Furniture to think to do that.

Five Things I Hate, Part II

Erik — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 15:57:11 +0000

Week 2 of my serial hate-itude towards different things.

1. Jack-in-the-Box drive-thrus who make you pull around before you get your food.
You’re not fooling anyone. I know you’re trying to put up some artificial drive-thru stats. What would you do if my response to the “Can you pull around?” query was “No, I won’t.” I’m guessing you’d give me some tacos with some extra saliva.

2. Alltel Chad ads.
Yeah, I get it Alltel. You think every other cell phone provider is a Dungeon’s & Dragons geek. That’s great. But guess what? You’re hardly a company anymore since Verizon bought you. So stop advertising and put some energy into getting the freakin’ iPhone.

3. Limited Flash support on the Wii
Really? I think the first thing I’d have said when developing the browser for the Wii would be “I’ll bet people are gonna want to watch Hulu on this thing.” And I get the whole “Flash SDK not being available for non-computer browsers” thing, but really, Opera and/or Nintendo couldn’t persuade Adobe to release a modified SDK for them? They’re freakin’ NINTENDO. The largest software entertainment company EVER. I’m thinking they didn’t even try. Which brings me to my next complaint…

4. Limited Flash support for the iPhone
I don’t even own an iPhone and this problem irks me. *shakes fist at Apple*

5. When Twitter loses my tweets
I realize Twitter is a free service. But it’s awesome. And I demand perfection from my free, awesome web services.

Five Things I Hate, a series

Erik — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 16:39:23 +0000

I bring what I hope will be a weekly feature, collected items from my vault of disdain.

1. No iPhone on Verizon.
The rest of the world recognizes “teh suckage” that is AT&T. Why can’t Apple?

2. Microsoft.
When everyone else in the world is criticizing your crappy products, it’s time to stop thinking that it’s everyone else who has the problem.

3. Contaminated fruits/vegetables/peanuts.
Dear Tomato Growers,
I love your product. Please stop dragging them through horse manure.
Thank you.
Regards,
Erik.

4. Jack-in-the-Box Restaurants who don’t sell 3 tacos for $1.
The rest of you need to stop the madness and get with the program. This ulcer won’t rip itself open.

5. Under-documented aspects of .NET
You know who you are.

Icon shmicon

Erik — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 22:00:47 +0000

So some idiot steals an icon he sees on his favorite Dungeons & Dragons blog and I’m supposed to have enough faith in the rest of the company that produced this product to purchase it?

Ummm, no. The RSS icon does not mean wireless people! Come on!

Copywriting 101

Erik — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 19:50:50 +0000

This has got to be the worst call to action for a product that I’ve seen so far.

“Unsilence yourself”? Have you heard anything so passive? Why didn’t they just go with: “Discontinue your non-use of this product!”

Seriously.

A personal screen printer would be cool though.

A new project? Sure!

Erik — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 23:22:58 +0000

So my lack of posting isn’t without good reason. I feel like I’m being punished for something I may have done in a past life where work is concerned. So I made this low-tech notification for any co-workers who may be wondering why my turn-around times for projects may have gone down the tubes.

Yes, you read that correctly. Sixteen new tasks which include ten brand spankin’ new sites, and still only one web developer. I can’t complain too much. At least I still have a job.

I don’t get poetry.

Erik — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 16:50:12 +0000

I don’t get poetry. I thought I did, at times like in college, high school, and even elementary school. In sixth grade, my teacher invited poet Georgia Heard to come to my class and teach us about writing poems and to listen to some of our poems. I remember reading my poem to her and the class (I even remember the poem and what it was about!) and some of her kind words about it. In high school and college I can remember writing essays about poems and, at the time, I thought I was pretty confident in my understanding of the whole “words as art” motif. I even bought a book of Shakespearean sonnets as they are still my favorite form of poetry. However, this is in no wise a comprehensive history of the relationship between myself and poetry, I merely want you to understand that, yeah, I thought I had an understanding of an art form that I have had a long and varied past with. Then something comes along to shatter my confidence in that relationship.

What in the heck is this? As one of the unwashed layman masses who does not possess a Master’s degree in any of the wordsmithing arts, I’d have to succinctly sum my exasperation as thus: what the heck? Now let me write this quick disclaimer: I have no qualms about the subject matter. I may have qualms with President-Elect Obama’s policies, but I know that the first African-American President of the United States is something to be celebrated. I just don’t want to bring politics into this post. No, my quarrel here is with the sludge that these master poets have passed off as poetry.

For example, in the animated Flash poems that Christopher Funkhouser made, one of them actually includes the phrases “pregnant man”, “pride bacon” and “why do leg cramps”. They’re just hanging out in the “poem”, not even connected to any other words, and unless I’m missing something, have absolutely nothing to do with the subject matter. Yet this man is an associate professor of humanities. Eh?

And then there’s Alice Walker’s poem. Apparently, you can write a poem by putting just one word of a sentence on it’s own line. Sometimes, it doesn’t even have to be a word, or even a letter, an ampersand will do!

And Bob Holman just scares me. I’m talking more about the video of his recitation, than his poem, although his poem scares me as well. I mean, he does know that A. Obama is not a king, let alone an African King, (I guess poets can suspend democracy like the Roman Empire?) and B. He is not in Africa. He does know these things right? Right?

Do any of these people make money doing this? Because, if so, sign me up. I’d like to jump all over that bandwagon. Or is this an “The Emperor’s New Clothes” kind of situation, where, even though the stuff you produce is an utter and total farce, as long as you’re well-respected in the community, no one will tell you so?

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